


Gift

by Alhazred



Series: Joker's Wild [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-03 04:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alhazred/pseuds/Alhazred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dylan wishes weird things would stop happening every time he comes out of the shower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Mass Effect Fix-It Fic #3, 856, 287, with a twist: It's a fix-it fic for something other than the ending. This was the origin story I imagined for possibly the most inconsequential character in the entire franchise, who I love anyway.

The strange tendency for something unexpected to be waiting for him in his cabin whenever he was done showering was starting to get on Dylan's nerves. The very first thing that went through his mind when he emerged from the bathroom to the sight of a FENRIS mech sitting in front of his chair was a thought about giving up showering altogether.

The second thought was how glad he was that he kept his amp plugged in when he showered. Usually, he left it there to keep water from getting into his implant, because it was a royal bitch to dry it out and then wait hours just to make _sure_ there was no moisture left that would shock the hell out of him once the amp went back in.

Dylan didn't care about his implant getting waterlogged anymore. He was going to keep the amp in for situations like this, when he was flagrantly ambushed coming out of the shower and the towel around his waist would be insufficient to deal with the enemy.

Just as he started moving his arm, ready to throw it upwards and, thus, send the FENRIS mech head-first into the ceiling, it made a noise.

In fact, it barked at him. Twice.

This gave Dylan pause; he'd never known the things to make actual, dog-like noises.

"Hey."

Joker walking around the display case and hobbling up the steps got Dylan to relax a little. He was still incredibly confused, but he had a feeling an explanation was forthcoming. Not expecting the explanation to make any sense whatsoever, he braced for the worst. "What's this?"

"It's a dog," Joker said, as if this answered everything. " _Your_ dog."

Making a face, Dylan didn't even realize how deadpan he sounded when he answered, "My dog."

"Yeah, I got him while you were locked up." As the little robotic dog stood up on all fours and let out some happy yipping sounds, its head even moving appropriately, Joker continued, "I thought, you know, after all the stress and stuff you could use a pet. Well, a better pet than the hamster. And one you can't kill like those fish from awhile back, and... well, I was just going to keep him turned off since everything went to shit before you got out, but now you're a lot more stressed out so I thought you could use something happy you can pet. Other than me."

"Joker," Suddenly feeling a piercing pain behind his right eye and not entirely sure it was the prosthetic having a minor altercation with his nervous system, Dylan rubbed at the spot on the side of his head. "It's not a dog." Glancing to the shelf on the wall, he added, "And I _like_ my hamster."

"Well, if you're going to get all technical, no," Joker waved his hands out to add just a little extra sarcasm, "It's not a dog. But the onboard VI is so good it even registers changes in your biometrics so it knows when you're really down and need some cheering up, and it even recharges itself if you leave a power source out for it. Plus, no mess to clean up."

Trying to keep track of the robodog as it started trotting circles around him, Dylan watched it come to a stop at his side, sniff his leg, and then rear up on it's hind legs to paw at him with the front ones. This had the effect of nearly pulling his towel off, and Dylan had to catch it. Totally scandalized, he felt like there was something inherently embarrassing about a dog going for his towel, the fact that he'd showered with a bunch of grunts for most of his adult life notwithstanding.

The dog made its cute little yipping sound again, and Joker chuckled. "See, he likes you!" By way of explanation, he said, "I already programmed you as his owner."

"Thanks?" Keeping a death grip on his towel with one hand, Dylan slowly lowered the other and patted the robodog on the head, its weird figure-eight eyes seemingly getting wider and more adoring. Petting Urz had been less frightening. "I think?"

\- - -

It didn't take Dylan long to get relatively used to his new 'pet' scampering around with him wherever he went on the ship. Trying to keep _some_ amount of professionalism, he wrestled it back into his cabin when he had business in the CIC, but the shuttle bay was fair game, he figured.

Sure enough, before he could step out of the lift, the robodog dashed out, happy with such a large space and sniffing around for interesting chemicals.

It bumped into Lieutenant Cortez shortly thereafter. "Well, hey there." To his credit, Steve took it in stride. "Where'd you come from, little guy?"

While Steve crouched down to rub at it behind its head where a real dog's ear would be, Dylan caught up with the excited robot. "It's... complicated." He supposed he could've just said something about Joker being out of his gourd, but doing so would be admitting that his relationship with Joker was _also_ out of its gourd.

"Well, he's certainly affectionate," Steve laughed. Petting the dog again, he picked it up just off the floor and set it down facing towards the shuttle bay. "Go say hi to Vega, go on!"

Seeing Lieutenant Vega walloping the punching bag near his workbench, Dylan's dog became excited by the movement and bounded straight over, barking the entire time.

James, however, was so engrossed in his workout that he didn't notice until the dog was almost on top of him. When he turned to the side, he was just in time to see it jump straight for him, and he was so surprised he forgot to catch his balance. Whatever he cried out wasn't in English, but it sounded profane and high-pitched at the same time, joined by the echo of his back thumping onto the deck.

"James," Dylan walked over, finding the sight of the small robot tackling and nuzzling at the much larger man's face highly amusing, "You're not an animal person?"

Giving up and letting his arms flop uselessly to the deck, James sighed and let the dog bounce around on his chest. "I'm a _cat_ person."

With a grin on his face, Dylan had to admit it; he was starting to like Joker's gift.


End file.
